Mo' Cowbell & Mo' Progress

It has been a busy month... a ten-day vacation, several birthdays, a Taylor Swift concert, a work trip to Chicago and most amazingly of all... a half marathon!

To say I'm exhausted would be an understatement, but I'm also still basking in the awesomeness of the last few weeks... specifically the MO Cowbell Half Marathon that I completed on October 4th.   Surprisingly, this was actually not my first half marathon.  Back in October of 2010, I ran/walked the Nike Women's Half Marathon as part of the Team in Training program where I trained with a group of people for eight weeks while also raising $2100 for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

The difference between the last one and this one is astounding, really. Back in 2010, I was looking for something extreme that would catapult me into losing weight.  I found Team in Training and decided training for a half marathon would totally result in just that, getting skinny!  Man, was I wrong.  I didn't train as much as I should have for that race, but I did finish it with a time of 3 hours, 10 minutes and 30 seconds.

Ever since then I felt that I needed to redeem myself a little and actually run an entire half marathon.  For some reason, in my head, it didn't feel like I really completed a half marathon because I walked a good portion of it.  But when I started training several months early for the MO Cowbell, I again talked myself out of running the whole thing by thinking I needed to run/walk it because there was no way I could run 13.1 miles without walking. (I told myself.)

In early September, I got the urge to run one night and didn't stop until I ran seven miles straight.  That night kind of changed things for me.  I realized that if I just stopped saying I couldn't and started saying I probably could that I would come very close to reaching whatever goal I had in mind.  My new goal was to run nine miles before we left for vacation.  If I did that, I knew I would be able to run the entire half marathon. And you know what?  I did!  I ran the nine miles before vacation, ran a few times while on the West coast, and then on race day, I ran the entire 13.1 miles without walking.  I have to admit, the last two miles of that race were the hardest and worst of my life, but I never would have forgiven myself had I stopped.

Official time: 2:39:18.  That's almost six minutes better than my goal time and 31 minutes better than my first half! 

You can see in these pictures that even though I "ran" a half marathon back in 2010, I was far from healthy and I went straight back to not running or working out at all after that.  And while on the right, I am still not as healthy as I want to be, I am well on my way and happy with everything I've done to get here.  I mean, I ran for 2 hours and 39 minutes straight, hello!

Non-Scale Victories:

I've mentioned before that I've had quite a few non-scale victories throughout this past year and a half... from comfortably riding all the rides at Six Flags to wearing clothes I haven't been able to fit into for years, I continue to surprise myself and get that revalidation that I am on the right track... even if the scale doesn't always reflect it.  

One of the things I was most excited to do once I lost weight was to wear rompers... here's a picture of a slightly sexier romper than I usually wear that was perfect for our trip to Vegas.  Another thing this picture shows and that I've realized this past year is that weight loss is slow.... like crawling slow.... but you know what? That time is going to pass anyway.  It's up to me to make choices every day that will continue my progress... it's a continuous fight through plateaus, gains, and then finally down another pound.  It's an ongoing battle, but one that I'm destined to win. 

Another non-scale victory actually happened on vacation.  Two years ago, when Spike and I went on our honeymoon to Riviera Maya, Mexico, I remember an extremely embarrassing moment on the plane when I realized that my seatbelt was almost not going to buckle.  Seriously, one more inch and I would've had to ask for a seat belt extender (which I just learned about recently).  I remember being mortified and hoped no one, including my husband, noticed how tight my seat belt was or that I took it off once we were up in the air.

I am happy to post the below picture from our flight a few weeks ago, where I obviously have no need for a seat belt extender with plenty of room to move and breathe. Losing weight has so many benefits, and I've realized that it allows me to travel a lot easier now, too!

More Progress & PRs:

While the Cardinals may have ended their season last night, there was one good thing that did happened... I PRd my mile by 54 seconds!  My husband has been encouraging me now that my half marathon is over to start working on my mile time and pace.  So we laced up our running shoes and decided to see where I am with my mile time and I was pleasantly surprised with my progress.

Last Attempted Mile Time: 9:37

New Mile Time: 8:43.

New Mile Goal: Sub-eight minutes

I am also very close to meeting my other fitness goals for the year.  I have officially ran 300 miles so far and completed 155 WODs at the gym.  That means I have 100 miles and 45 WODs to get in over the next 2.5 months.  I'd say it's going to happen! 

As far as weightloss goals, I kind of stopped worrying about it.  I do keep my eye on the scale and am almost back down to onederland again, which I'm so ready to be there and never see the 200s again (unless it happens during a pregnancy).  But I will for sure post some new transformation pictures once I get to 190lbs.  And with my husband cooking my healthy meals and joining me on my runs, I'm hopeful that will happen by the end of the year!  

Here are some more progress pictures to hold you over until my next big milestones are met.  Thanks for checking in!

July 2013 versus September 2015: I still love to drink beer, but just do it a lot less often. 

It's not just that I look and feel healthier, but now when I have a cheat meal or eat unhealthy (like on vacation), my body starts to crave healthy, paleoish meals and hard workouts. 

My adorable niece was not impressed at my half marathon.

Thanks to Spike, Reggie, Chelcy and Brynlee for coming to cheer me on at the "Worst Parade Ever."  Love you guys so much!

A couple face side-by-side pics exactly two years apart. I definitely not only look healthier, but I feel SO much better. 

Eat. Run. Sleep. Repeat.

Ahhh... that feeling of knowing you are so on the right track... that's what I have right now.  They say exercise makes you happy and I can't disagree... it's a high that I can't get enough of at the moment.  My goal is to make sure it stays that way this time.

My friend Justin said to me a few days ago that sometimes your body needs that break in order for you to truly be in it 100% again and in my case, he's right-- I had totally broken down on my diet and lacked motivation to hit my workouts as hard as I was earlier in the year.  Though there was never a week where I didn't workout at least 3-4 times, which I think made it a lot easier to get back into it.

Exercise Goals:
That and, of course, the support of my husband is really what finally snapped me back where I needed to be.  Together, Spike and I have run at least 150 miles this past month.  I've been keeping track of my miles and in August alone I ran 64 miles for a total of 226.8 so far this year.  That's only 23 away from my goal so I am raising it from 250 to 400 for the year 2015.

In addition to running 226 miles, I also have completed 146 Crossfit WODs (workouts of the day).  So you can see that my exercise game has been strong and consistent throughout the year.  It's my diet that is the hardest part for me, but has been so much easier these past few weeks because Spike is in it with me now.  We are eating meats, veggies and fruits while skipping the cheeses, desserts and calorie drinks including alcohol and we are feeling awesome.

MO Cowbell Half Marathon Training:
Though I'm still not down to my lowest weight where I was back in February, I am getting closer, but am not putting as much pressure on myself to get to the number on the scale.  I'm just going to enjoy this new lifestyle with my husband and love every second of our runs around our neighborhood.   Turns out signing up for this half marathon.... even if it was after a bottle of wine when my neighbors talked me into it... was actually the best thing ever.

As I posted on Facebook last week, I ran seven miles straight after I got home from the gym last week.  I'VE NEVER DONE THAT!!! It made me realize that maybe I'm selling myself and my abilities short.  My plan was to run 3 minutes/walk 1 minute the whole time, but now I think I'm actually gonna try to run the entire 13.1 miles on October 4th.  And what's even crazier is that I'm looking forward to training even harder over the next month to prepare for it!! Seriously, who am I?!

I should also mention that my partner in life is loving this lifestyle just as much as me and completed his first 5K in 28:09 on Saturday!!!  I am so proud of him and love how awesome we are both feeling.  I can't even begin to imagine all of the goals he will accomplish over the next year. 

 It's also crazy the difference in my attitude towards running since last year.  In this picture you can see my attitude change, but you can also see that weight loss takes a freaking long ass time!  I thought lapland surgery was going to be a quick fix and I'd be where I wanted within a year... boy, was I wrong, but to be honest, I'm actually enjoying the journey. 

Continuous Improvement & Transformation:
It's funny that I use those words... they are what describes the team that I manage at IBM.  We are the North America Delivery Transformation team and we are continuously looking at how we can make IBM better in support for our clients.  The same methodology now applies to my life outside of work, too.  Continuously looking for ways to improve my health and also, in a completely vain way that I don't care who knows it, to transform how I look.

One of the awesome things about losing weight or becoming healthier or toning up... whatever you want to call it... is the clothes that I get to wear that I never thought possible just a year and half ago.  From rompers (I've bought three now!) to pencil skirts, I am so excited to show off my body and new wardrobe in the months to come... especially as we head to the West Coast for our first vacation since our honeymoon in a few weeks.

Speaking of honeymoon, today just happens to be the third year anniversary of when Spike asked me to be his wife!  I think that calls for a Transformation pic of it's own.  My, how far we have come... I would say we are more mature now, but for those of you that know the Arcands, you know that would not really be accurate.  :-)  

 Here are a few other transformation pics, too, including some new outfits just in time for our vacation coming up.

Hoping to share with you even more results in the next coming weeks as our runs become longer and waists... smaller??   Stay tuned...

Gaining Weight and Asking for Help

You may have noticed that I haven't been posting very much over the past few months.  The reason could be because this summer has been busy... we moved into our new house, work has picked up quite a bit including me traveling to Boston, we seem to have plans every weekend.... ya know, the normal kind of busy that comes with summer...  But I think the real reason is because I've been feeling guilty, a little down and probably even embarrassed. 

Coming off of the paleo challenge in February, I was so excited and optimistic about my future and my progress since last year.  I had found my groove working out, I was eating the healthiest I had ever eaten and was seeing the results.  Then for whatever reason, the momentum just stopped... I started allowing myself to enjoy drinks on the weekends, a dessert with my dinner and it just started snowballing again.  Just like it always has in the past.  

I shared a few blog posts talking about getting back into it-- (time to turn this thing around!), but the snowball just keeps getting bigger just like the number on the scale.  I have gained back 15 pounds.  I feel like that number keeps going up with every blog post.  

I know that I'm not making the same healthy decisions I was last year. I'm not making my health the priority.  I'm not so much making excuses, more like I just stopped putting forth the effort to lose weight.  I'm no longer excited to wake up every day to step on the scale and see the results of my hard work.  

Again... I feel guilty.  Guilty that I let my weight loss stall, guilty that I allowed myself to gain back 15 pounds, and guilty that I can't seem to get back to where I was.

I'm also embarrassed.  I was so quick to post about my successes... pounds and inches lost, workouts dominated... and now, I have nothing worthy of posting.  Just disappointment. I have so many people who have been supportive and encouraging and I just feel like I'm letting them all down.

When I expressed this to my husband last night, he agreed that my attitude and behaviors have changed this summer.  He told me that I'm no longer excited about the things that meant so much to me just a few months ago.  I completely agree, but don't really know how to get it back. 

I need help.

I woke up this morning not sure what to expect, and when I saw my husband, was definitely surprised.  Spike, who is an avid disc golfer, but not too big into running or your typical exercise routines, told me that things were going to change for both of us.  He had actually downloaded the couch to 5k app on his phone and already finished the first workout before I even got out of bed!  He told me that on my lunch break we were going to the grocery store to help us jump start getting back into clean eating. 

If you didn't know... this is a big deal.  I really think I actually almost cried.  I didn't realize it until that moment, how much I needed his help and support.  How much I needed someone to take my hand and help me find my way back to the happy, confident and excited girl I was so proud to be this past year.  

So this blog post is not like my last few.  I'm not promising that I will quickly get back to where I was, that I will report all sorts of wonderful news in my next post, or that I'm confident this is the last time I will struggle with my progress on the scale.  

I'm here to say-- the truth is, I AM struggling.  I'm working through this slump.  But I am feeling so much better about the future now that I have a partner that is in this thing with me.  I think that will make all the difference.  

I'll keep you posted on what happens next...

Back On The Wagon

Every week I tell myself... this is my week to get back on track... and, well, I just haven't been as dedicated to losing weight these past few months as I should have been.  

So instead of just making weak promises to myself in my head, I'm going to post out here for the world(more like a few readers) to see.... it's time to take back control... again!

Don't get me wrong, I have continued to work out consistently for over fourteen months now, and even signed up for a half marathon in October. But I have not made healthy eating and drinking choices nor have I made myself push harder every day in my workouts.  I've gone from working out seven times a week to four, which would be okay if I didn't have 40-50 more pounds to lose (depending on how badly I ate this weekend.)

So... what do I do when I realize I've gained back ten pounds since February?  Am I going to say... well, it was nice while it lasted, but healthy living isn't for me? I'm a failure and don't deserve to reach my goals? I'm never going to be the healthy girl I know I can be?   Hell. No.  

It's time to reset my priorities and make a commitment to myself... it's time to make my health THE priority over everything else.

No more random Sunday drinking parties, no more "Oh, I'll have a lemonade instead of a water, please," no more "sure I'll have a brownie after my meal when I'm already full."  NO. MORE.  

I've said it before-- Nothing will make you lose weight or maintain it except for a health diet and exercise.  Not lapband surgery, not calorie counting, none of it.  The key is eating clean, healthy food and working your ass off in the gym and on the pavement.  And that's what I have to do.

So here are my words for all of you to read and to help hold me accountable... 

--No more alcohol.  I do not plan on drinking until we go on vacation in September.  (which will be tough if you happened to see how much booze we got at our housewarming party this past weekend)
--No more sugar every day.  I will allow myself something sweet every once in a while, but once every two weeks instead of every day.  
--No more drinks with calories.  I've been so bad about not drinking water and for the past few years have had a lot of issues with my arms, legs and hands falling asleep when I work out and every night when I'm sleeping.  I realize now it's because I'm so freaking dehydrated.  That has to stop.
--Exercise... Running must happen three mornings a week in addition to five crossfit workouts, but it can't stop there.  I need a hard reset... just like at the beginning.  So I'm setting another goal: I will exercise 100 more days in a row... it doesn't have to be running or crossfit, though most of my days will be.  But I will be required to at least walk, play tennis, disc golf, etc. every single day.  Previously, I did this for 146 days and it really helped me change my lifestyle when it comes to working out.  So it's time for me to do it again. 

Since I've done this before and know it is completely possible, I'd like to call on any of you who maybe are waiting for the right moment to start on your own journey.  Maybe you were waiting until Monday and now that Monday is coming to an end, you're thinking about waiting until July.  Well, I'm asking you to screw waiting.  Screw Monday.  And screw July.  Let's start right this second.  

Any takers?

Here's a reminder of what it looks like when you follow through with your goals... Now I need to get back here and keep going...

Hard Decisions

It's been two months since my last post and a lot has happened, but not really in the weight loss category.  It's been a busy past month with Spike and I moving into our first house and taking ten days off of work to do so.  

I've been reminded by several friends that I haven't been sharing my journey as much lately, and I think it's because there hasn't been a lot of progress made since the paleo challenge back in February.  I've actually been fluctuating up and then back down about five or six pounds since then and with the move haven't been in my regular routine for a while. 

Yesterday, I got in a swimsuit for the first time this summer and felt like I didn't look much different from last summer at all.  It reconfirmed what I've been feeling for the past few months, that I need to reassess where I want to be and what I'm willing to do to get there.  

That's what I started to do earlier this week when I made one of the hardest decisions since having lapband surgery.  One of the biggest reasons for my success so far is that I became part of the 573Fitness family.  I found my love for being an athlete again, I built my strength and endurance to a level it hasn't been since high school, but more than anything, I gained so many friends that feel like family.  There was not one class that I attended over this past year where I didn't feel welcome or special or part of the "team."  After living away from the area for five years, it was an amazing way to get reacquainted with those who I had lost touch and meet for the first time others who would end up being some of my very best friends.  

That's why this past week was so tough.  Since moving to Farmington, 25+ minutes away from the gym, I was only making it to the gym 2 or so times a week.  While I was running 1-2 miles on the other days, I know it's not going to be enough since I still have ~40 pounds left to lose.  I really need to challenge myself to run longer distances and I must work out at the gym a minimum of five times a week.  That coupled with eating a paleoish diet with portion control is the only way I will continue to make progress. 

Because I know myself and know that since the move I have not been making working out and eating healthy my highest priority, I went ahead and made the decision that was inevitable.  I decided it was time for me to switch to Parkland Crossfit, which is literally two minutes from our new front door.  I went for the first time on Wednesday to check it out and think it's going to be a great fit for me, but at the same time have a feeling of guilt for skipping out on my 573 family. 

But the thing about family is they love you, support you and just want the best for you. And that's exactly what everyone at 573 has shown me since I told them about my plans.  They were understanding and more than anything wanted me to know I was welcome to come back anytime I wanted, which I'm sure I will be there frequently over the next few months preparing with my partners, Alexia and Lisa, for the Mrs. T event in August.  

So while it was one of the hardest decisions I have made, one that I spent hours and sleepless nights thinking about, I also know it was the right decision... the best thing for me.  And I am so excited to get to know even more people who share the same love for crossfit and who have already been so great to me.  

I hope to report some more progress soon, but in the meantime here are some recent pics that have helped remind me that I am still doing good despite the stall in progress over the last three months.

Here was my last "official" work out at 573 Fitness this morning doing Murph for Memorial Day(1 mile run, 100 pull ups, 200 push ups, 300 squats, 1 mile run.) I love these people and will always consider them my family.  :-)

Since I was feeling a bit discouraged in my swimsuit this weekend, I decided to do a side by side of where I was a year ago.  The left picture was Mother's Day last year, the right was this past Saturday at my cousin's college graduation party... in a dress I bought last year and am finally able to wear comfortably.

This picture was taken back in December of 2010 compared to the one on the right, which was last weekend.  I finally don't feel self-conscious of "sitting" pictures. 

 Picture on the left was probably 2009 or 2010... picture on the right was two weeks ago.

Picture on the left was back in February of 2011... you can just see how unhealthy I was in my face. I think I look happier now, too. :-)

Have a great week!
- Ashley

One Year Out

On the eve of my first "bandiversary," I am writing you from the very bed where I laid one year ago nervously awaiting the moment that would change my life forever. What I did not know was how many ways my life would change over the next 365 days.... many of which had nothing to do with the plastic band that was put inside me the next day.

These are the questions I've been asking myself a lot lately with some answers I think are important to share...

Is the lapband the reason I lost 52 pounds over the past year? Not really. 

Was getting the lapband a catalyst for me to take back control of my life and health? Absolutely.

Would I recommend the lapband to someone in my situation from a year ago? I don't know.

You may think the first two questions are the same, but they are not. Looking back now, I had very high and unrealistic expectations of what getting the lapband was going to mean for me. I thought I'd lose weight quickly... as in be at my goal weight in the first year. I thought I would eat close to nothing and never be hungry nor want to eat food that was bad for me. I thought it was "my only option left." I actually said that in my very first blog post.

But here's the truth.... here's how I lost my 52 pounds this past year:

1. I eat 50-60% of the amount of food that I used to. That is the one thing the lap band has helped me do.

2. I also eat slower due to the lapband, which helps me feel full without eating more food-- another habit from having lap band, but those without one can get in the habit of doing this, too. (When I don't do this, you will find me throwing up in the bathroom-- yes, gross, but it's my life with lapband.)

3. I eat healther-- this is one I am still working on one year later. But I can say that I now know what is healthy and what is not, which is probably the most important thing considering there are so many people who don't realize they are eating all the wrong foods in the name of "Healthy Eating." I also stopped drinking alcohol except for at an occasional party or wedding with friends.

4. I exercise a minimum of 5-6 days a week. This includes crossfit WODs, running, walking and the occasional tennis or disc golf match. There are no more excuses as to why I can't work out any given day. Remember-- I worked out 146 days in a row-- if I can do that, you can do it, too.

That's it, guys. That's all it took for me to lose 52 pounds. Was the lap band a magic fix? The easy way out? The solution to morbid obesity? No.

I was wrong. All of my early blog posts were wrong.

But what wasn't wrong was my desire to be a better person. My commitment to make sure that this time I was not going to fail. My determination to make this drastic change. Something that made me realize there was no turning back-- it was time to be the happy, fun, healthy athlete that I used to be.

Even though I am still 40 pounds away from my goal weight, I can tell you that I will succeed. I will get there. And I will do it following the four habits I outlined above and also with the love and support of my family.

My husband, who has not been mentioned near enough in these blog posts, has been my encourager, supporter, teacher and stickler this past year. I finally believe that I am as special and loved as he has always told me I was. Knowing I had him in my corner has really made all the difference. 

I've shared my journey with you over the past year because I wanted you to know the truth. What is lapband? What is it like to be morbidly obese? What does it take to be in control of your life again?

What I've found though from having this blog is so much more than just me typing my thoughts out on my computer screen.

--This blog has helped me connect with others who have common interests and struggles.
--It has allowed me to open my life to you so that maybe your struggles don't seem too bad or too hard for you to overcome.
--It has helped me hold myself accountable to keep going because I have this whole network of people depending on me to share my progress.

So thank you for reading and checking in on my page from time to time-- your support is really the fifth reason I lost 52 pounds this past year. Because without it, I'd just be a chubby girl with a story and no one to listen.

 Here are a few more progress pics on my one year Bandiversary!

Paleo Challenge and Eleven Month Results

I've talked a lot about setting goals this past year because that has really helped me make progress in what I call my weight-loss, health-gain journey.  At the end of 2014 I let myself get side tracked a little after the Tag Team Throwdown training was over and through the holidays.  I had gained back 5ish pounds putting me at 218 when I started the Paleo Challenge a little under seven weeks ago at my gym.

I can't stress how critical setting goals has been to my success over the past six weeks.  But it's not just in setting goals, it's about doing what you have to in order to achieve what you set out to do. It's in making little decisions every day to keep you on track and take you closer to where you want to be.

--When the family was having my favorite pizza, I ate tuna.
--When I wanted lemonade at the restaurant, I ordered water.
--When I didn't feel like going to the gym, I went and worked out for two hours.
--When it was too cold outside to run, I bundled up anyway and ran a 5k. 
--When my friends were indulging in beverages on Superbowl Sunday, I was the sober one watching the game. 

Those are all decisions I made so that when I stepped on that little white scale in the gym this afternoon, I would see THE number.  Not just any number-- my goal for this paleo competition was to hit that one number on the scale that all those who have weighed more than 200 pounds think about-- 199... aka ONEDERLAND.  That was my goal and that's exactly what the scale said today.

I'm in onederland.  FINALLY!  A little under eleven months ago, I weighed 251 pounds and today, on that scale, I weighed 199.  That's 52 pounds that I will never see again!

In the past six weeks, I have lost:
--19 pounds
--.5 inches in my arm
--2.5 inches in my chest
--6.5 inches in my waist and
--2.75 inches in my hips

With those results, how can I go back to what I was doing before?! I can't stop now.  I'm getting closer and closer to my goal weight and obviously I have finally found what is working for me.

No dairy, no sugar, no bread, no alcohol.  Sure, I'm going to allow myself to have fun every once in a while-- this Saturday will be my first time doing just that at a party we have been planning with our friend, Brice, for over a month now!  I'm so excited to let loose and have fun knowing that I worked so hard to get here.  But come Monday morning, I'm back on the paleo train to continue setting and achieving every goal I set.

Lastly, I have to mention how amazing it's been to be a part of "Team Farder" these past six weeks. Teresa, Brandi, Steve, Jan and Barb have been supportive, motivating and so encouraging throughout this entire process.  Our trainers pushed us beyond our comfort zone and each one of us had amazing results because of it.  I couldn't have picked better trainers than Kenny and Dave-- seriously Team Farder killed it and I can't wait to see the transformations from the other teams as well!

I'm so excited to share these photos with you that show just how far I've come over these past six weeks and my almost eleven-month journey.  And just so you know... I'm just getting started!

 These are my overall eleven-month results:

These are the Paleo Challenge six-week results:

And then these are progression snapshots.  Progress from March to September was really due to exercise and eating less; progress from January to now is all about diet and exercise.  So for those who think lapband or other weight loss surgery are all it takes to lose weight, that's not true.  It is simply not possible unless you change your lifestyle to include regular and consistent exercise and clean eating.  

One Cliche of a Blog Post

As I type these thoughts out tonight, I know I will start to shudder at the thought of how cliche this whole thing is.  (If you know me well, you know I despise cliches.)

Just when I start to think.....that I'm not making quick enough progress... that I'm getting on everyone's nerves by talking about working out all the time... that I am never going to see onederland..... something happens that completely validates what I am doing here. 

Tonight, I received this note from a girl I've known since I was a teenager, but haven't talked to in years:
 
"Hey Ashley, I have been reading your blog and first off want to say you are doing an amazing job!  I am so happy for you becoming healthy!  I have always struggled with my weight and have tried and tried to shed the pounds.  I recently went to the doctor and found that my thyroid was under active (so I thought that was my problem).  But I know what my problem is... I need to exercise and eat healthier.  

I feel like I am the queen of excuses when it comes to this thing.  Do you have any advice for me?  Like where should I start?  I'm 25 years old and I am TOO heavy.  I'm tired of people telling me I'm pretty because I feel disgusting.  I don't want to cut my life short because of my weight. Keep up the hard work!"

Quite often I receive messages of encouragement and support from those on my Facebook Friends list and others who stumble across my blog, but this message tonight was different.  The thing about this message is that if it was one year ago, I could have written it.  This was me.  If the sequence of events that I blogged about in my very first entry "Behind the Pounds" hadn't have happened, maybe this still would've been me.  

As this new lifestyle becomes the new norm for me, it's easy to forget what it was like before I started.  And it's also difficult for me to believe in this cliche idea that I am an "inspiration."  No, I'm just a girl who got too fat and now is being celebrated for being a little less fat--- may sound harsh, but that is my typical thought process.  But when I open my inbox and have a message like the one above, I have to recognize that maybe this whole thing is a lot more than I give it credit for.  Maybe, as cliche as it sounds, I'm doing this for a reason more than just having something to write about on a boring Thursday night.  Maybe this really does matter. 

So, I leave you tonight with my response to this sweet girl, and hope that maybe you can learn from my mistakes, too.  And that maybe next year you will be the one with a message in your inbox from someone that you inspired, showing that what you are doing is working and why you can never stop.  

"Hi Girl!  Thank you so much for your message.  Your story is almost identical to my story so please believe me when I tell you that YOU CAN DO IT!!! I had lapband surgery, but I can tell you that I have lost weight because I changed my lifestyle to make exercise and eating healthier a priority.  Exercise was a lot easier for me than the eating part, but I finally feel like I have that semi- under control.  

I'll tell you how I started-- I set a goal.  I decided that I was going to exercise in some form every day for 90 days.  (It's one of my better blog posts if you'd like to read it.)  That might sound a little too aggressive for you and it took me doing something as drastic as surgery to get me to commit to setting and achieving my goals.  But my advice would be to start with making small goals.  

Maybe you want to exercise five days a week or maybe three days on and one day off, etc.  
Maybe the Couch to 5K App would be a good starting point.  
Just making yourself set and stick with your goals can help.

I'm eating paleo right now, which is a huge change for me.  I don't eat dairy, sugar, wheat or breads, etc.  Maybe to start off you give up one of those things?  If you try to do it cold turkey(pun intended), you probably won't last long.  I don't drink soda or anything that has calories.  It sucked at first, but now it's so normal I don't even miss it. 

But I think what you said is true and you really have to believe it's true-- the only thing stopping you is the excuses you are allowing to run your life.  I have PCOS(ovary issues) that "causes" weight gain... I have extremely low metabolism... I used to work a minimum of 60 hours a week and was too exhausted to do anything by the time I got home... Those were all my excuses.  

They aren't why I couldn't lose weight.  It's because even though I said I wanted to, I wasn't willing to give up those excuses nor stop eating the tasty, horrible food in order to make my dreams come true.  I'm lucky it finally clicked for me and that I put an end to letting excuses get in my way. 

I tried for years and FINALLY, it clicked.  I know it can work for you, too!!  But you have to start by making realistic goals and sticking to them.  Health issues, time constraints and even the weather-- none of those things should determine whether or not you will meet your goals.  It's all on you! Good luck and message me anytime!"

No More Excuses

I can't sleep tonight... so here's a new blog post coming at ya!  It's been about a week or so of not being able to sleep even though I should be exhausted from all of the extra workouts and running I've been doing since our gym's Paleo Challenge started almost three weeks ago.  

Even with little sleep, I have seriously never felt better.  When I had lapband surgery back in March of 2014, I knew it wasn't going to be a "fix" for my obesity.  They say it in every meeting you go to and you read it in every piece of information they give you, but you don't realize how challenging it will be until you have had your surgery and you still want to do the same things you have always done.  

I've said in the past that my weightloss has been slow, and it has.  I got on the work out train quickly after surgery, and have consistently been working out hard for nine months now.  I strongly believe that working out and eating about 60% of the amount that I used to eat are what caused me to lose between 32-38 pounds in those nine months.  But I stalled... and stalled.... and stalled even more.  I would lose two pounds and then nothing for months, two pounds and then nothing.  Heck, then I GAINED six pounds over the holidays-- I let myself go a bit, but I knew that would come to an end very soon.

It was obvious to me that just like I told myself I understood at the beginning-- the lapband is not going to fix my obesity.  I HAVE TO.

You see, lap band can help me suppress my appetite, but it can't keep me from buying a candy bar in the check out line of the grocery store.  And it won't tell me no when I decide to go through Dairy Queen for dinner after I just worked out.  That's all me.  I have to be the one to fix what is broken. 

Exercise has been a life-saver.  It is my one true passion in my life at the moment. I literally live for it and love it.  Every single day.  But exercise alone isn't gonna get me where I want to be.  

It all finally clicked about six days ago.  I, and anyone else out there, can eat healthier if they really want to.  We can do anything we want as soon as we let go of every single excuse we have allowed to hold us back.  Nothing can stand in our way unless we let it.  Man, do I know that to be so so true now.  

Like I said, I gained 6 pounds over the holidays and on January 5th weighed in at 219.  My lowest at that point had been 213 where I lingered from October through December.  Since then I have been eating paleo and paleoish.  

On three to four days of the week, I eat completely paleo.  This lacks seasoning and isn't super tasty, but is still doable if you plan ahead.  Examples of meals are ahi tuna filet(my go to), chopped steak, chicken, tilapia, salmon, vegetables except for potatoes, corn and beans.  On paleoish days, I eat food cooked from paleo recipes that I borrowed from my aunt.  I typically prep food for three days ahead so that I don't have to worry about cooking every day.   So no dairy, no sugar, no breads, soft drinks, juice-- only water, all natural produce, meats, etc.

The past few days I have been consistently weighing in at 208 so that's 11 pounds difference in 18 days. (43 in all!) That's pretty incredible considering how stalled I've been since my surgery in March.  It also means that I am now considered Obese!  I say that enthusiastically because back in March I was Morbidly Obese according to the Body Mass Index scale and then I was Moderately Obese, and now I'm just Obese.  Next stop-- Overweight... as long as I stick with this new way of life. 

But here's the kicker.... it's not even hard to do.  I'm completely fine with eating paleo. When I've been out to eat in the past two weeks-- though it's only been twice-- there is always something on the menu I can have, even if I have to substitute veggies for potatoes. All you need is a plan to follow and you are set... JUST DO IT!  

Here's an example....  I put the picture below together tonight.  The left picture is of me back in 2009ish and the right is of me a few minutes ago as I was getting ready for bed.  I actually probably weigh the same in these pics or even less back in 2009, but man do I look SO much healthier in the picture on the right.  That just shows what living healthy will do for you, even if the scale doesn't always show it. 

This is seriously the most important of any lesson that I have learned-- YOU are the only thing stopping you from getting what you want.  I've never been more sure of anything in my life.  

Don't believe me?  Just watch-- I'm about to show you...