I haven't posted a weightloss blog in a while and that's
really because I haven't had a ton of news to share. I've been making my
way back down to onederland and am still working every day to be the healthiest
version of myself that I can be.
But today I feel compelled to share a different part of my
life that I am passionate about, and since I already have this platform, I
thought why not leverage it to tell another story that's important to me?
And that topic is.... Feminism.
Ugh. Gross. Right? If
you would have asked me a couple of years ago if I was a feminist, I would have
most likely made a cringe-worthy face and told you "not really."
Because I, like many people, did not understand what that word truly
means.
Feminism:
The advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social and economic
equality to men.
Well, when you put it that way... how the hell could
someone NOT be a feminist?!?
It's more than a label:
Knowing the definition of feminism is one thing, but truly
understanding the challenges and resistance women face from society, men, other
women and even themselves on a daily basis is way more difficult to
grasp.
I recently finished the book "Lean In" by Sheryl
Sandberg-- I know, I am way late to that party, but hey, it's been a busy
couple of years-- and I have to tell you I learned SO MUCH from
this book. Not only about the history of feminism, tons of research and
facts about the differences between how women and men are treated in the
workplace and also the pressures society puts on gender norms, but I finally,
after years of working in Corporate America, understand things about myself and
my own experiences that I never knew were shared by women around the world.
So while I can go on and on and even write my own book of
what feminism means to me, I feel that I can get my main points across by
sharing the top eight things I learned from the book, "Lean In."
So here it goes... Are you still with me? Good.
Top Eight Lessons I Learned from "Lean
In" by Sheryl Sandberg:
1. The fight for equality is not
over...
-- While we have made a lot of progress over the past fifty
years when it comes to women's rights and many of you will say we should be
happy with that progress especially when comparing to how women are
treated in other countries, Sheryl and I both say that's not a reason to stop
fighting for full equality.
-- Sandberg makes the argument with studies to back it up
that in a workplace or school environment where women and minorities are
truly treated equal, it results in higher satisfaction and morale across all
demographics, including men.
-- She also provides plenty of statistics to support the
argument that we are very far from being equal: " Of 197 heads
of state, only 22 are women... of the top 500 companies by revenues, only
21 are headed by women. In American politics, women hold just 18% of
congressional offices." We still have
work to do.
2. Equal pay for equal work...
-- It should be not be news to you that American women in
2010 earned 77 cents for every dollar men made doing the exact same job.
Yes, that is up 22 cents from forty years earlier in 1970, but does
that mean we should be happy with making less than someone who does the exact
same job? HELL NO! There is no reason a man should make more money
than a woman for the same work.
--Sandberg provides one solution
here - negotiate like a man. When she was talking to
Mark Zuckerberg about joining Facebook, she says she was inclined to
accept the first offer he made. But after her husband encouraged her to make a
counter-offer, she did and Zuckerberg came back to her with a much more
lucrative proposal. This is a lesson that I, myself, will be taking with me
throughout the rest of my career.
3. A sad truth: Successful women
are perceived negatively by men AND women...
-- Sheryl cites more than a dozen studies that underline the
obstacles women face. One of the most compelling from ten years ago still rings
true. She calls it the Howard/Heidi study. Two professors wrote up a case study
about a real-life entrepreneur named Heidi Roizen, describing how she became a
successful venture capitalist by relying on her outgoing personality and huge
personal and professional network. The professors had a group of students read
Roizen’s story with her real name attached and another group read the story
with the name changed to “Howard.” Then the students rated Howard and Heidi on
their accomplishments and on how appealing they seemed as colleagues. While the
students rated them equally in terms of success, they thought Howard was
likeable while Heidi seemed selfish and not “the type of person you would want
to hire or work for.”
-- Sandberg’s
conclusion - when a man is successful, he is well liked. When a woman does
well, people like her less. Most
women have a strong desire to be liked and this treatment could and
does prevent them from aspiring to advance their careers and take on new
opportunities. This really resonated with me and others I've talked to when we
discussing the book, and is important for all of us to be conscientious of
this prejudice in the workplace and in our personal lives.
4. We are in our own way...
-- An unexpected and controversial point that Sandberg made
in her book is that women keep themselves from advancing in their careers
because they don’t have the self-confidence and drive that men do. “We lower
our own expectations of what we can achieve,” she writes. While I don't
think this is necessarily true for everyone, I have seen this among my own
friends, family and colleagues. Though I really do believe there are
many other factors to consider here based on the individual and their
life experiences.
-- There have been studies that do back this up by showing
that more men aim for leadership roles than women. A recent survey
found that Millennial women are less likely than Millennial men to agree with
the statement "I aspire to a leadership role in whatever field
I ultimately work." They were also less likely to describe
themselves as "leaders," "visionaries,"
"self-confident," and "willing to take risks."
5. Women must take more career risks...
-- There was also a study in the book from 2011 showing that
while men are promoted based on potential, women get a leg up based on past
accomplishments. Women are also less likely to apply for a job or
promotion if they feel they aren't 100% qualified compared to men who tend
to apply to all jobs they want including those where they do not possess all
required skills.
-- Sandberg's suggestions that I 100% agree with here is
that women must take more career
risks. They need to shift from thinking 'I'm not ready to do that' to
thinking 'I want to do that -- and I'll learn by doing it.'
6. Imposter Syndrome...
-- This is the part of the book that made me hold my breath
when I read it for the first time. I can start by saying I have been very
fortunate to have been given the opportunities I have so far in my career. Many
years of hard work, long hours and making my job my number one priority
has led me to be promoted five times in my 6.5 year career at IBM. Three
of those all happened within the past eighteen months. During this time,
I couldn't help but feel that I didn't quite deserve my success.
I thought I just caught a lucky break, that eventually I would be found
out for the "Imposter" that I was.
--What I didn't know is that there is an actual term for this
called, "Imposter Syndrome." According to wikipedia... "Impostor syndrome (also spelled imposter syndrome, also
known as impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome) is
a term coined in 1978 by clinical psychologists Dr. Pauline R. Clance and
Suzanne A. Imes referring to high-achieving individuals marked by an inability
to internalize their
accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud".[1] Despite
external evidence of their competence, those exhibiting the syndrome remain
convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have
achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of
deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe
themselves to be. Some studies suggest that impostor syndrome is particularly
common among high-achieving women,[2] while
others indicate that men and women are equally affected.
--As soon as I learned about
this common mindset of high-achieving individuals, I really did start to see
myself and my accomplishments in a different, more positive light.
7. Working women/moms versus stay at
home moms...
--Another major topic in "Lean In" is the notion
that working women/moms and stay-at-home moms are pitted against each
other. She makes the argument that both sides feel guilty-- a SAHM for
not striving for an ambitious career or a professional not spending enough time
with their kids/family-- and that we put added pressure on ourselves to
"Have, and do, it all." Sheryl
deems the phrase "having it all" as a myth and an unrealistic
expectation society has created.
--In the argument for more women in the workplace, studies
have shown there is no direct impact on a child's development based on child
care. What does matter is the upbringing, environment, love and care
they are provided from both parents, but that "exclusive maternal care was
not related to better or worse outcomes for children. There is,
thus, no reason for mothers to feel as though they are harming their children
if they decide to work."
-- Sheryl understands that many women don’t want both a
career and family, and that others don’t care about ascending to a power
position. And that is completely fine-- The real message here is that
it is every woman's choice (along with her partner's) to do what is best for
them and their families, but we should continue to encourage women to have both
families and careers in order for us to achieve full equality in the
workplace.
-- While many women likely
feel the guilt of not meeting society's expectations of what a woman should be,
we can ease that pain and guilt of women around the world simply by
supporting each other.
8. Equality for men... in the home.
-- Sheryl says of the working woman... "We compare our
efforts at work to those of colleagues, usually men, who typically have far
fewer responsibilities at home. Then we compare our efforts at home
to those of mothers who dedicate themselves solely to their families."
-- Gloria Steinman said it best: "You can't do it all.
No one can have two full-time jobs, have perfect children, cook three meals and
be multi-orgasmic till dawn... Superwoman is the adversary of the women's
movement."
-- They are both right. With the demands at the office
followed by the responsibilities we each have at home, it is hard to feel
that are can get it all done, much less do it all right. In order for more
women to advance their careers and take on more leadership roles, it is
critical that we have help from our partners.
-- What seems to be a relatively new idea, which I don't
think has really caught on among most households in America is treating men
with the respect and same expectations that they are just as capable in keeping
up with housework and child care as women.
-- Sheryl says women have to stop being “maternal
gatekeepers” and insist their partners do more parenting and housework.
But women must stop trying to control the way their partners do those
jobs. It's time to truly treat our partners as just that-- real
partners-- who share the workload at home and compromise when making the right
choices for their families.
--She acknowledges that this is difficult, but makes a
convincing case about how necessary it is if women are going to pursue
demanding careers. If we truly want equality
in the workplace for women, we must have equality in the home... for men.
Final Thoughts from a Feminist:
So that's my extremely long and slightly random blog post for
the night... this is a topic that has really been weighing on my mind so much
lately. My hope is that by sharing this view maybe you will cringe a
little less when someone refers to feminism or maybe you will even share some
insights with those who do not quite understand what that term really
means.
Together, I truly believe we can make lives better and easier
for each person we interact with. A more equal world for women and
minorities will only result in happier, better lives for everyone.
If you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading-- I
would love to hear your thoughts on this topic in the comment section of my
blog or on Facebook!
Also, here I am sporting the "Lean In" book in my kitchen(do not insert woman in kitchen joke here) earlier this evening-- Shout out to Jessica Mell for lending me her book!!
Also, here I am sporting the "Lean In" book in my kitchen(do not insert woman in kitchen joke here) earlier this evening-- Shout out to Jessica Mell for lending me her book!!
XOXO,
Ashley
