2014: The Year of Transformation

The year two thousand, fourteen will forever hold a place in my heart.  It's the year things really changed for me, it's the year I found myself again.

According to Merriam Webster, the Word of the Year is Culture.  The Washington Post says it's not a word at all, but a heart-shaped emoji that was used most for society to show their happiness.  But for me, there is, without a doubt, no other word to describe my year than "Transformation."

Not that my transformation is complete-- I still have such a long way to go, but I'm going to spend this New Year's Eve celebrating just how far I've come with this countdown of 7 accomplishments that have made my year.

#7:  Making it through Lapband Surgery and the awful three-week liquid diet 

This consisted of ten day of clear liquids and two weeks of full liquids while healing from surgery.  It was pretty painful the first few days after surgery, but all of that is really a distant memory now.  Last time I was at the doctor's office, I took a picture of a lapband so you can see just what I had put inside of me this year.  

#6: On my 90th day of exercise in a row, I got first in the scaled division in my first ever Crossfit Competition.

This was a very unexpected moment.  I tagged along with some girls at the gym because I thought it would be a great way to celebrate my 90 day mark.  I had no expectations of winning, even though my division only had six people in it.  This was a turning point for me-- realizing that I was an athlete again, after a six year hiatus. 

#5:  146 Days of exercise in a row!

I originally set a goal of working out 90 days in a row, but I couldn't stop there.  I made it 146 days of literal blood, sweat and tears before taking my first rest day.   I have worked out no less than 5 days a week since then.  After years of yo-yo workout programs and diets, I have finally found something that works for me at 573Fitness in Bonne Terre!

#4: SKINNY JEANS!!!

For six years, I have not bought a new pair of jeans because I thought they made me look even bigger than I was.  They were also not comfortable because they would always cut into my stomach.  Even on Casual Friday at work, I would just wear my work clothes because they were more comfortable for me than jeans.  

I recently went shopping and thought, what the heck, I'll try some out.  I was able to fit into size 16 skinny jeans.  That's progress! 

#3:  Not just skinny jeans, I was able to wear clothes I hadn't worn in years!!!

My wardrobe definitely expanded as I started to fit into things I haven't been able to wear in several years.  There were also many dresses and outfits that I had bought but never worn because I didn't look good in them.  I'm finally getting to a point now where there are things in my closet that actually are too big on me-- it's almost time to let some of them go! 

This picture is of a dress that I only wore once for engagement pictures in early 2013, but that I was very comfortably wearing in October for a wedding.  Now that dress is on the verge of being too big.

#2: The Tag Team Throwdown

I covered this in my last post, and this was really the best moment of 2014 for me in this weightloss, health-gain journey.  I have had so much fun training with my 573 family and can't wait to see what the new year brings.   At the Tag Team Throwdown, I beat my Clean and Jerk max from the first competition in Union by 15 pounds, I finished every workout with my partner and friend, Alexia, and I went total Beastmode on the last workout for one epic crossfit moment.    It was a weekend I won't soon forget.

       (Comparision pic of my first competition on the left and the Tag Team Throwdown on the right.)

#1: My TRANSFORMATION

Now that BEST thing I am celebrating on the last day of 2014 is my Transformation that has already happened and that continues every day.    Here are some pics that show just how far I've come.

Thank You!

It's been quite the ride these past nine months.  I have made some important changes in my life, but still have a long way to go and a lot of work to do.  

For my last post of 2014, I'd like to thank each of you reading this blog as you have helped me more than you know.  The comments, likes, private messages-- they all keep me going, remind me why I'm doing this and fill my heart with so much love and excitement.  This is what life should be-- people supporting other people, no matter their differences, opinions, beliefs.  We all can use a little encouragement, and my heart is full because of you. 

Emergency Doctor's Appointment & the Tag Team Throwdown

It's been an interesting past week, that is for sure.  Over the past few months, I have been training for my first "real" Crossfit Competition with my WOD- partner, Alexia, that took place on Saturday, December 13th.  Though I almost didn't make it there.

Emergency Doctor's Appointment:

On Thursday morning, I woke with an extremely uncomfortable feeling where my band sits at the bottom of my esophagus.  I can't really explain it, but it felt like my stomach was going in and out of my band.  By the afternoon, I decided it was time to call the doctor to see what they thought I should do.  They asked me to come in on Friday to get checked out.  The whole time I was worried they would tell me I couldn't exercise for a while, and that all the hard work Alexia and I put in over the past few months would have been for nothing. 

I showed up at the doctor's office and waited for two hours before I finally saw my surgeon's assistant, who is the one who usually does my adjustments.  After talking about what was going on, she told me I could be experiencing one of two things:  I either had something stuck and obstructing my band or I had a prolapse, which means part of my stomach actually came out above my band.  Both could be caused by my band being too tight so we decided the best thing to do would be take out one full milliliter of saline from my band.  

I immediately felt better, but she told me I could come back in on Monday to get an x-ray if the pain came back.  I've actually been SO much better since she took out the saline from my band.  I can actually eat a meal in 20-30 minutes again instead of taking almost an hour to get just a small amount down.  I'm able to get full and stay full for longer and hopefully that means I'll start to see the numbers fall on the scale again.  (I again haven't lost anything in almost two months.)

I decided to cancel my x-ray since I'm feeling better and will just wait until my January appointment to see if I need to get any saline added back in or if I'm in the "green zone" where I currently am. 

Tag Team Throwdown:

For those of you that haven't attended a crossfit competition before, this one was a pretty big one.  Alexia and I were one of 44 teams in the Women's Scaled Division and took 25th overall.  That's pretty good considering some of these women have been doing this crossfit thing for years.   

There were three workouts throughout the day, and what was awesome is each team from our gym went at different times so we all got to cheer for and support each other throughout the day.  It really was so much fun!

Here's a pic of our 573Fitness Crew!

WOD 1:

The first WOD was one partner finding their one-rep max on the Snatch lift and the second partner finding their one-rep max on the Clean & Jerk.  Yes, I'm aware theses lifts sound a bit perverted. :-)

Alexia got 95lbs on her snatch and I got 140lbs on my clean & jerk for a team total of 235lbs placing us 17th in the competition after the first WOD. 

Here's a video of my Clean & Jerk Max:

 

WOD2:

This was our most difficult WOD, for sure.  We had to do the following with a time cap of 10 minutes:

150 meter run

21 synchronized burpees

63 jumping pull-ups

150 meter run

15 synchronized burpees

45 jumping pull-ups

150 meter run

9 synchronized burpees

27 jumping pull-ups

Once you completed all of that, if you had time left, you did as many 65lb snatches as you could and that would be your score.  We completed the workout in 9 minutes and ended up doing 11 snatches in the last minute.   We really could not have done that WOD any faster, and it moved us to 28th place out of 44 teams.

Here's a video of some of those jumping pull-ups and snatches.  You can tell we are absolutely dead. 

WOD 3:

This was our favorite WOD and turned out to be one of my favorite moments of the year.  This workout also had a time cap,  this time of 11 minutes. 

20 Toes to Bar

30 Wall Balls

60 Dead lifts at 115lbs

20 Toes to Bar

30 Wall Balls

50 Power Cleans at 85lbs

20 Toes to Bar

30 Wall Balls

40 Shoulder to Overhead at 65 lbs.

It was a perfect example of Alexia and I coming through in different areas that were our strengths.  I did the toes to bars while Alexia did the majority of the Wall Balls, we split the deadlifts, and Alexia knew I was dying during the power cleans so took over the last ten while I got ready for the last set of toes to bars.  

As I posted on Facebook, the really amazing moment of the day came at the very end of this workout.  We knew going in that we wanted nothing more than to finish.  We didn't care what place we got in the competition, we just wanted to finish all three workouts and the day could be considered a success.  

Because Alexia was able to finish out the power cleans and the wall balls, I took a few breaths before picking up the bar for the last 40 shoulder to overheads of the workout.  With less than a minute left, I needed to do all 40 as quickly as possible.  There just wasn't time to switch off back and forth between Alexia and me so in my head I told myself that I had go until the clock stopped.  

Before I knew it, I had 12 more to go at the ten second mark.  At that point, I wasn't really even feeling myself lifting the bar, just thinking "there's no way I'm going to make it."  But my arms kept moving and Alexia kept screaming the number of reps I had left.  Before I knew it I had done all forty and the clock hadn't stopped yet. We finished it with two seconds remaining.  

It was crazy.  Our gym-mates were cheering, strangers were clapping and I dropped to the ground!  Brandi, from the gym, even asked me if I wanted water and my response was, "I don't know."  Needless to say, I needed a minute to recover.  Later on as I was watching another heat do the workout, I heard a couple who I didn't know sitting next to me talk about what I had done-- it was pretty cool.  

It really was all possible because Alexia and I played up our strengths and she carried us through the power cleans and wall balls.  If she would have been just two seconds slower on any of them, we wouldn't have been able to complete our workout.  

It was the perfect ending to our very first crossfit competition together.  I couldn't have asked for a day or partner!

Here's a video of the end:

 

Some additional pictures of our day:

Eight Months Post-Op: Inches Over Pounds

This month has been full of ups and downs... literally.... on the scale.  On any given day I weigh between 213 (My lowest at this point) to 217 (What I weighed two months ago).  Like I've said many times, the scale has not been my friend over the past several months. 

The best way for me to see the difference that my new exercise and lifestyle are making is by measuring different parts of my body and how my clothes fit.  Though I have only lost three pounds over the past two months, I have lost another 1.5 inches in my waist, an inch in my hips, almost an inch in my thighs and an inch in my arms.  So I know I'm still making progress, just not on the scale.

My clothes also fit so much better.  I got out a box of winter workout clothes that I haven't been able to wear in a few years and they all fit.  See, I wasn't crazy for saving all of those clothes after all?!?  I also have been wearing all sorts of dresses that have been sitting in my closet for a long time.  Some of which are even a little too roomy now.  


The first two shirts, I have never been able to wear before.  The third one I have not worn since my husband and I started dating three years ago. 

Adjustment via X-Ray:
The non-scale victories have been great and are what is keeping me motivated to get to the gym 5-6 times a week and continue to work with my band on what I can and cannot eat.  I do think I finally have the restriction that I need from my last fill.  

Normally, once you get 6-8cc in your band, the doctor will not put too much more in at a time to make sure you can still get some food and liquids down.  This past adjustment I had on October 29th, was a new experience.  My doctor wanted to make sure everything looked normal and also wanted to see just how restricted I was before putting more saline into the band.

I had to wait around for the afternoon where I got my fill under an x-ray machine.  It was pretty awesome despite having to drink that chalky gross liquid stuff. What was so cool is that I could see the liquid go down and go through my band into my stomach.  The doctor confirmed what I had been saying from the start, that I was not very restricted.  She decided to go ahead and put in .75 more cc's totaling 9.25 currently in my band.  

I definitely have had a huge amount of restriction since that fill, I have to be careful of what I eat or I'll have to throw it up to get it unstuck, and I also am eating slower than ever before.  It usually takes me thirty minutes to finish a small meal.  So I'm hoping that I'm where I need to be with the restriction, and now I need to focus on eating those foods that are good for me so that I am making the most of my band's restriction.  I have a history of making the wrong choices when it comes to eating healthy foods and I'm sure the holidays are going to test that even more.  But I know what I have to do to keep on the right track and I'm the only one who can make it happen. 


Eight Month Post-Op Progress:
For now, the inches are what is helping me stay on course.  Though I REALLY wanted to be in "onederland" by the end of the year, I don't see that happening.  So far, in this eight month journey I have lost...
-- 38 pounds
-- 9.25 inches in my thighs
-- 4.75 inches in my arms
-- 10 inches in my waist
-- 7 inches in my hips
-- 3 inches in my bust

That's not too shabby.  


Tag Team Throwdown:
Coming up next, I will be participating in the Tag Team Throwdown crossfit competition in St. Peters, MO on Saturday, December 13th with my wod partner, Alexia.  We've been training hard over the past month or so for this event and I am so excited! It's such a great way to see the progress we both have made, accomplish something together that we never would have thought possible just a year ago and also make memories with the other members of our gym participating.   Hopefully my next update will be showing off our great results from competition that is a little over two weeks away!

Here's a pic that Brandon Aubuchon took of me in the middle of 50 overhead squats from Sunday's workout dedicated to my WOD-Sister and Tag Team Partner, Alexia and her own weightloss journey.  It was a great turn out and fun work out!

Addiction & Hitting the Reset Button

My posts are starting to become a monthly checkpoint of where I am in my weight loss journey.  I've mentioned in previous posts that my workouts are strong, but my diet leaves a lot to be desired, and never was that more true this past month.

I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am an addict.  I am addicted to sugar, desserts, and all things bad for me.  If it's in this house, I will find it and I will eat it.  You may think I'm joking and that I am just being one of those people who throw that word around, but I really do believe it is an addiction. 

Many people think that weight loss surgery makes you automatically skinny.  While it does help me eat less than I did before, I still have to make a decision every day on what kind of foods I let in my body.  And for some reason when it comes to sugary treats, I feel no restriction at all, which means my band does not prevent me from eating as much as I want.  I learned from the Facebook Lapband group that these are considered "Slider Foods" because they go down our band very easily.

I got out of hand this month-- I found I was having dessert every other day, if not every day.  My mom would bake a pie for the Cardinals game, we would buy candy for movie night, I just had to try all of the desserts at our friends' housewarming party.  It really is an addiction-- one that was quickly getting out of control.

I needed to be reminded of how I felt at the beginning-- when I was making better choices and knew what it meant to be truly hungry from my initial ten-day clear liquid diet and seven-day full liquid diet.  I also really needed to de-tox my body of all the shit I was putting into it.

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Hitting the Reset Button
A lot of people online do what they call the "Five Day Pouch Test," which is going back to a day or two of the clear liquid diet, then full liquid diet and then soft foods. I decided to do a miniature version of this since I felt my eating had taken a turn for the worse and because I had been stuck at 217 pounds for almost 2 months.

I decided to do protein shakes on Monday, protein shakes and full liquids like soups and some chilli on Tuesday and Wednesday and then soft foods (tuna and seafood) on Thursday and Friday.  I did have some dessert and a few pieces of candy at a Halloween party on Saturday, but that was planned as a cheat day.  Sunday, I was back to protein shakes and high protein foods.   All of this while exercising every day. 

Let me tell you... I feel SO much better!!!  I am also down three pounds!  I haven't been 214 pounds in three years so I'm pretty excited with the way things are trending on the scale.  It really has given me the motivation and confidence I have been missing the past few months and I finally feel that getting under 200 pounds is a possibility for me.

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Non-Scale Victories
As mentioned previously, what isn't seen on the scale, but is just as satisfying, is when I find Non-Scale Victories or NSVs that are a testament to how far I have come:
--Things as simple as I can now fit a normal towel all the way around my body when I get out of the shower!!!
--I wasn't worried that any of the seatbelts wouldn't fit on the Six Flags rides during our anniversary trip in September.
-- But the BEST NSV actually came from someone who started coming to our gym.  He told me that he read my 90 days of exercise blog post and it really resonated with him.  He said it is what motivated him to get back in the gym. 

I always thought it was silly when people said I was inspiring them, but in this instance I realized maybe I am making a bigger impact than I thought.  Oh, and I think my heart exploded with pride at the same time.


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Progress Pics 
--Another great thing that comes with this journey, is seeing how different I look in my clothes.  I haven't really gotten small enough where I can't wear my clothes anymore, but they definitely fit differently.  And I have some pictures below that show it.

-- I'm also including a few more transformation pictures that served as a reminder this past Saturday in my "Basic Bitch" costume for a Halloween party compared to some pics that were taken in 2013. 

                                                   July 2013                       October 2013

                                               October 2013                   October 2014

Notice I have a drink in my hand in both pics. That's another thing that I am taking a break from over the next month and a half.  I was starting to have social drinks every other week and it really wasn't helping with my weight loss.  So back to being my husband's DD for the time being.  :-)

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What's Next?
Over all, I am feeling good.  Though I do believe my restriction isn't quite where it should be even with the 8.5cc of saline in my band.  My 7 month appointment is on Wednesday of this week and I am expecting to get another fill.

I also have signed up for my next crossfit competition and am partnering with one of my favorite people I have met since joining 573fitness-- my friend, Alexia!  I am so excited to train with her over the next 6 weeks so we can reach some new PRs during the Tag Team Throwdown on December 13th in St. Peters.

Thanks for following along on my journey-- I am really just getting started!

Six Months Post-Op Progress

It's hard to believe six months has gone by since I had lapband surgery.  Even though the progress hasn't been as much as I was hoping for, my life has transformed in a way I didn't think possible. 

The lapband is a bit tricky because you can't just rely on it to keep you from eating large amounts or bad foods-- you have to make a conscious decision every day on what to and what not to eat.  And I can honestly say I still have a lot of work to do in this area.  I still eat bad things for me and when I'm hungry at 10p, instead of just going to bed, I'll have a bowl of cereal or something else not very healthy.

However, I do eat about 50-60% of the amount of food that I used to, which you can imagine cuts a lot of calories out of my diet.  Instead of gaining weight like I was doing for the past two years, I have been losing... even if it has been at a slower rate than I would like.  I have also started drinking protein shakes in the mornings instead of cereal or oatmeal, which is helping me make sure I get enough protein in every day. 

6 Month Appointment & Bloodwork
Last week, I had my fifth fill at my six month post op appointment.  I now have 8.5cc in my band that holds 15.  Most people are in the "green zone" when they between 6-8cc, but I guess I'm a "special" one who has not really felt restriction or the band working until the past two months. I have been able to tell a big difference since last week.  Unfortunately, it's been a lot of trial and error with me eating certain foods that I have been able to digest fine the past six months, but now they seem to be getting stuck. 

I think yesterday was the first day since my fill that I did not get something stuck to where I had to throw it up to get it unstuck.  Sorry, I know that's gross, but it's a reality of life with lapband.

During my appointment last week, they also took 12 tubes of my blood to do my six month blood work.  My veins have always been hard to find and they had to stick me in three different spots to get enough to test.  I wanted to pass out, but just kept telling myself, this is part of the process of me getting healthy again.

The test results came back the very next day and for the first time in a long time I did not have elevated blood sugar or elevated cholesterol.  EVERYTHING WAS NORMAL. Woop Woop!

Working Out
Even though I broke my streak of working out 146 days in a row, I have still consistently been going to the gym 5-6 times a week or running outside to make sure I keep going on my progress.  Also to be expected, my body at times gets pretty worn down where I have to take a step back and allow it to recover.

This happened last week while I was lifting and ended up pulling two ribs out of place.  Luckily, my friend Alexia is a chiropractor who was able to pop them back in. (Thank you so much for that!!) Four days of cardio instead of lifting and everything is about back to normal.  It's very strange how stir crazy I was going in just those four days not being able to lift.  I really have grown to love it again.

My Progress
It is hard for me to see a difference in my body from pictures over the past few months even though I know I've put in a lot of work and feel better than I did back then.  These pictures usually make it easier to see the difference, but for me, the changes are becoming harder to notice.  I'm not sure if that's just the "fat girl" in me that will always see me a certain way or if I really have stalled as much as I feel I have.

On a positive note, I am down to 217 for a total weight loss of 34 pounds so far.  I know that's great, but I catch myself comparing my journey with others who have lost more than me in only three months.  I know you aren't supposed to compare, but it's easy to do... especially considering how many WLS people I follow on facebook and instagram.  But I also know I am building a ton of muscle because even though I've only lost seven pounds in the past four months, I've lost 4.25 inches in my waist, 3.5 in my hips and 1.5 in my bust during that time. 

So while I have a long way to go, in order for me to continue to bust through this plateau, I'm going to celebrate these past six months and push even harder going forward.

So here is the breakdown-- in the past six months I have lost...
-- 34 lbs
-- 8.45 inches in my thighs
-- 3.75 inches in my arms
-- 8.5 inches in my waist
-- 6 inches in my hips
-- 3 inches in my bust
-- Total of 29.7 inches

My goal is to be under 200 by the end of the year, but it will take a lot of hard work and will power to make it happen.  Wish me luck!

My Very First Rest Day

Yesterday was my 146th day of exercise in a row.  It started with a WOD at the gym followed by 6+ softball games in a local tournament.  It was a great day and 573fitness came out on top after a five extra-inning championship game.  My first time playing softball in over five years and I still got it.

If you remember, my original workout challenge was to exercise 90 days in a row(read blog post here), which turned out to be a lot easier than I first imagined.  And really sprung me into this amazing and fun new lifestyle where I look forward all day to the moment I get to go to the gym.  On my 91st day, I wrote of my transformation where I gained my new mindset and determined what I was going to do next-- 180 days of exercise in a row.

In the past 146 days, I have walked, swam, played tennis and volleyball, dragon boat raced, white water rafted, ran a 5k, got closer to my goal of a ten-minute mile, averaged six crossfit workouts a week and competed in two competitions.  It's been fantastic, but also extremely tiring at times.   

So today, Day 147, I am taking my very first rest day.

I have no doubt I could have kept going to day 180 and beyond.  But when I think about what my real goal is here-- it's not to exercise a certain number of days in a row, but to live a healthier and more fulfilling life.  The only way I'm going to do that is if I am healthy in all areas, not just the gym.

My workouts have been great and I'm starting to step them up by doing extra workouts with a small group of girls at the gym.  But I still struggle with eating the right things, drinking enough water and probably the biggest one-- getting enough sleep to function properly.

Those are the things that need my focus now, but I will not let up on the exercise.  I've decided to allow myself one rest day a week if I really need it. That way I still have something I have to work towards each week, but I can give myself a break and flexibility when I need it.

What I've Learned
While it was sometimes difficult to get a workout in during the past 4.5 months, it was  NEVER impossible.  One thing I have learned through all of this is that there really is NO EXCUSE.  We will always be busy, we will also have a million things going on and conflicts that come up, but if you are being truly honest with yourself, you know that the only excuse for not making it to the gym or eating the right things, is that you simply did not want to badly enough.

I'm not saying that important things don't come up or that you don't deserve to splurge a bit every once in a while. I have a lot of work to do in this area, but I now know it is all up to me-- I'm the only thing that can stop me from getting where I want to be.

I have definitely sacrificed plenty in the past 146 days by making my workouts and me a priority for the first time in a long time.  It's been challenging, it's changed some of my relationships with friends and family, but more than anything it has been one of the most rewarding things I've done.  And I don't plan to stop.

Why Not Me?

It's been a few weeks since I last posted and not too much has changed.  I am still working out every day with today being my 128th day in a row of exercise.  I also had my five-month follow up appointment a week earlier than normal and they say I have lost five pounds since my last visit.

What they don't realize is that I've been fluctuating so much that according to my calculations I've actually only lost one pound since last month.  At least their scale has finally caught up to my home one.

I'm currently sitting at 220 pounds from my previous 251 when I started this journey a week under five months ago.  When I started I was in the farthest obesity categorization-- Morbidly Obese.  According to the BMI Scale, I am now considered Moderately Obese, in 11 pounds I will be Obese and then quite a few pounds after that, finally just Overweight. 

That's what the chart says anyway.  But most of us know that Body Mass Index doesn't tell the whole story.  An example of this is a trainer at my gym was talking today about how she is considered overweight on the BMI scale.  If you saw this woman you would know that is simply impossible.  Not sure I've seen a more healthy and in shape person in my life.

So I'm not too caught up with the categorizations and I'm coming around to the idea that the number on the scale isn't everything either.  Though it is something I care about... a lot.

Today, at the doctor's office, I filled out the regular paperwork asking questions about my eating habits-- what I eat, how much I eat and how often.  If I'm being totally honest, I could probably have checked a few more of those boxes on the right... I realized today that I had something sweet every day this past week.  That has to change. I need to get back to eating the way I was at the beginning-- limiting all sugar intake.  This is necessary if I want to lose the weight I've been obsessing over in every blog post.  It's time to be honest with myself and get real with my eating habits.  

So I'm starting today-- A Tuesday.  I'm not waiting for Monday to come around to re-start my healthy eating habits-- there is no better time to start than right this second.

My doctor agreed that I am almost to the "green zone," but that I still need more restriction to make me feel full after eating less than I have been. I received a small fill of .5 totaling 8cc in my band.  I've really been able to tell a difference after the last fill so am hoping this can be my last one for a while.  But we will see.

Mrs T WOD:
Also since my last post, I participated in the Mrs. T WOD event at 573fitness.  I had missed registration because I didn't think I would be physically ready for it nor did I have a partner, but on Wednesday before the event a spot became available for me to compete.  I was so excited and the trainers were awesome calling up people to find me a partner.  They found me a great one in Lisa who met me at the gym on Thursday so we could go over all of the work outs and also test out the 1.4 mile run that includes the biggest hill in Bonne Terre.  We were as ready as we were going to be on a three-day notice.

The event was incredible.  I couldn't believe how many people were there (Around 150 participants!) all encouraging each other and loving this great sport.  Not to mention, we were all there to support a local family who has a loved one battling cancer.  Its an amazing thing when a friendly competition is accompanied by camaraderie and compassion all in the name of a good cause.

There were several instances during the day when I saw others do extraordinary acts of athleticism and I thought "I don't think I'll ever do that."  But as the day went on, when I heard myself start to say that, my response turned into "Why not?"

"Why not me?"

That was a turning point for me.  Not because of a certain workout or because we placed in the event(which we didn't), but there was a moment in which I finally stopped mentally limiting myself.  I stopped telling myself I couldn't.  I decided at that moment that I owed it to myself to continue to make myself better.  That I really can do anything I want to do. 

Before:  I can't do pull-ups.
Now: I will do pull-ups by next year.

Before: I'm not as strong as the others.
Now: I will get stronger.  And I will do extra workouts and lifts to get where I want to be. 

Before: I'm never going to be under 200 pounds.
After: I will, but I'm going to stop obsessing over it.  It's going to be slow, but I will get there. Just keep going.

So I guess I was wrong-- there have been some changes since my last post.  I've finally decided to be my biggest fan instead of my worst critic.  And that's good enough for me... for now.

Four Months Post-Op: Is this thing working?

Zero.  That's how many pounds I have lost in the past month.  Before you start to yell at me saying that I can't just go off the number on the scale, "muscle weighs more than fat," and I need to stop being a Negative Nancy, please know that I'm not.  I'm stating the facts. That I haven't lost any weight this past month.

While I know I have lost inches and feel better about my health than I did a month ago, it still makes me question this whole process and whether the lapband is going to work for me.  The difference between lapband and other weight loss surgeries like gastric bypass and the sleeve is that the others result in immediate and drastic weight loss right from the start.  The moment after surgery, their stomach is smaller and they feel immediate restriction with whatever they put into their bodies.

With Lapband, it's a different story.  You may lose a large amount of weight at the beginning since you are on an all liquid diet for ten days, but once your stomach is no longer inflamed from surgery, you no longer feel that restriction.  I have been able to really eat whatever I want and large amounts of it.  The goal with the lapband is that with each adjustment you start to feel more restriction to where you eat less and you stay full and satisfied for longer periods of time between meals.  You keep going back to the surgeon get more saline put into the band until you are in what they call "The Green Zone."   Here's an illustration below that might explain this a little better:

So where I have been in the past four months is the yellow zone.  I get hungry between meals, am able to eat large portions and, well, haven't lost any weight this past month.  Currently sitting at 221 compared to 251 when I started.   What that really says is the thirty pounds I have lost is really due to the exercise and workouts I have put in and then also eating a bit less than I was.  I may have cut out some of the bad stuff like soda and alcohol (except for a weekend or two), but my eating behaviors haven't changed as much as I thought they would.  Or as much as they probably will once I'm in the Green Zone.

Four-Month Appointment:
So I went back to the doctor on Tuesday where they agreed I wasn't where I needed to be since I have only lost three pounds in the past two months. But in those two months, I've lost over three inches in my waist so obviously I'm making progress, just not on the scale.

They agreed to put another 1cc of saline into my band making it 7.5 total in my band that holds 15. Immediately following my fill, I could already feel restriction that I have not felt since surgery.  I'm not sure if I'm in the green zone yet, but I definitely feel the band working a bit better than it has been.

Here's a view of the progress so far.  You can't necessarily tell a huge difference between May and July, but it is still progress.

Non-Scale Victories(NSV):
One of the greatest things that has happened over the past four months is at some point I stopped being completely self-conscious about how I look(I mean, I shared those pictures above, am I right?!).  If you go in my closet you will find an embarrassing number of cardigans and jackets that I have worn in the past to disguise my weight.  I was disgusted by the fat on my arms and how tight some of my clothes would fit, and cardigans were my way to hide my flaws.  

Since I had surgery, I have been to two weddings, to both of which I wore sleeveless and strapless dresses with no cardigan at all.  Even though I am definitely far from where I want to be, I am finally happy in my own skin.  When I get dressed up or even when I'm wearing workout clothes (which is 98% of the time), I am finally proud of where I am and know that I am the best I can possibly be in that moment.

So I'm going to continue to set goals, like I did with exercising 180 days in a row-- on day 103 today-- and take things one day at a time.  And no matter what that number is on the scale, I'm going to keep going and eventually I'll get to where I want to be.

The Impossible: 90 Days of Exercise

Ninety-one days ago I made a decision.  I was going to work out 90 days in a row.  Up to this point, I had just started walking outside again after having lapband surgery on March 25th and was slowly getting back to feeling normal.  I knew I needed to set a goal.  A challenging, yet reachable, goal.

And in doing so, I found out something I wasn't expecting.  IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.   Not impossible to workout 90 days in a row, but impossible to stop.  

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How I Got Started:
I didn't just start running a 5k on the first day.  Actually, I haven't even done that yet (I'm sure it will be coming up here shortly though.)  I started by walking.  I didn't want to push it too hard at first because I was nervous I would bust an incision and could still feel the presence of the band at the bottom of my esophagus because the swelling hadn't gone down yet.  So I started walking.  My mom or my dad would join me around the 2.17 mile loop at their house.

Walking became a daily occurrence, but I didn't limit myself to that.  My husband and I started playing tennis and can be found laughing and/or cussing up a storm at the Bonne Terre Park several times a week.  It's fun... for the most part. :-)  Neither one of us are pros, but it's physical activity that we wouldn't be getting if we were sitting on the couch watching Netflix.  (Though I'm sure that's where both of us would rather be lately-- we are late to the Breaking Bad party, but it's getting good in Season three!)

                                                         Spike in his stylish sweatband.

I also got a group of girls together to start playing sand volleyball on Thursday nights at the local Pub.  I didn't do it for the beer-- you can find me drinking water inbetween games-- I did it because it was another way to get myself to move.  Another commitment I had to follow through on.  I even started playing on another team so that I can get more exercise in each Thursday night instead of sitting around waiting to play again.

Probably the most important thing I did was join 573fitness.  Ever since this gym opened when I was living in San Francisco or maybe it was Dubuque, I have wanted to be a member.  It was one of the things I was most excited about when we found out we were moving back home.  It all just worked out that our move was at the same time as my surgery so I could join soon after.

This gym is a community of people, including many long-time friends and family of mine, all there with a common goal: to be the best and healthiest they can be.  We do this by lifting weights, running, rowing, and even handstand walks (Well, not me yet, but I have progressed to doing handstand holds against the wall!! woop woop!) among many other activities.   We do WODs(Workout of the Day) and most importantly, we support and push each other to do better than we did the day before.

I didn't show up at the gym able to do everything that was prescribed, and I still can't.  But that's not what this gym or overall crossfit is for.  It is for you to focus on how you can improve in many different areas of lifting and cardio.  It really is all about pushing yourself to do one more rep or one more lap than you did last time. But you must do this in a safe and healthy way.

So for the crossfit-haters-- not everyone is trying to win the next crossfit games, 99% of us are just trying to better ourselves and maybe drop a few numbers on the scale, all while being injury-free.

A Normal Day
My day typically starts with a conference call or a morning run at the Bonne Terre Pond.  I can actually run a ten-minute mile now... something I don't think I've done in my 20's.  Sometimes if I have plans for the evenings, I will go to the Tuesday through Friday morning classes that my friend, Aubrey, holds at the gym.  I work from home so that also allows me to go for a quick run on my lunch break or when I don't have meetings.  In the evenings, I either go to the gym (usually 4 times a week), play tennis, sand volleyball or get talked into playing disc golf with my husband.

I'd say more days than not, I workout or exercise multiple times a day.  And yes, it is important to have rest days-- especially for those athletes who train crazy hard.  But for me, it's more important that I get up and move EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  So on those days when I really don't feel like going to the gym or running at the pond, I make myself at least walk the loop at my parents' place.

That has really been the game-changer for me.  No matter what, I have to do some type of activity that day.  I no longer allow it to be a choice.  It is a given.  Every day I have to move.  I have to sweat.  I have to progress in my weight-loss and health-gain journey.

It really is that simple.

Day 90
So as I said on Facebook yesterday, I really wanted to do something significant on my 90th day.  Some girls from the gym were going to a competition in Union,  MO, as part of a charity event to help pay for a little boy's bone marrow transplant.  I'm always up for participating in a good cause(You may remember I ran a half marathon back in 2010 as part of Team in Training  for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.), but I had told myself when I started going to the gym that I wasn't going to do competitions.  I only wanted to go to the gym and do the workouts to get in shape.  I didn't care about lifting more than the other people at the gym.

When I found out they had a scaled division, which means the work out is the same but modified or with less weight than the Rx workout, I decided that it would be such a great milestone for me to finish FOUR WODs on my ninetieth day of working out.

Once I got there, it was a blast.  And something else happened I wasn't expecting.  I was determined to win my division.  Not because I wanted to lift more than other people, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.  That I could do anything if I just get out of my head and DO IT.

So I did.  

-- I maxed 125lbs. in clean & jerk.
-- Immediately following, I ran 400 m and did 40 burpees in seven minutes.
-- Next I did 136 reps of 55 lb. Thrusters and 25 lb KB swings in 12 minutes.
-- Then the final three in the scaled division competed for first by doing 5 Rounds of 5 dead lifts, 7 shoulder to overheads and 9 squats, which I finished in 6 minutes and 8 seconds to get first in the competition.

What's Next?
As I said, what I learned in the past ninety days is that I can't just stop after ninety.  Nor do I want to.  Exercise is now an addiction, but more than anything, it is now a part of who I am.  I don't ever again want to be that girl who lets a week go by without even walking more than a hundred yards to and from her car... the next thing you know a month has gone by with nothing to show for it.

So where do I go from here?  I'm not too sure.  I know I need a goal-- that's how I work by having something to drive towards.  So for now, how about 90 more days?  Yeah, that sounds good to me.

Anybody want to join me?